First Date Deal Breakers

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I’ve been on some pretty terrible first dates, some of them even doubled as vivid embarrassments.  One gentleman took me to a classy restaurant where dinner cost more than my monthly student loan payment.  I wore a pantsuit and visible mismatched socks. He searched the menu for an appetizer without nuts or shellfish, mentioned something about an allergic reaction.  Thirty-five dollar appetizer arrives and is piled high with shrimp and almonds.  It was too expensive to waste so I ate it all.  I ate it all while he watched and talked about Freud.  It was mortifying.  I remember chewing as fast as I could. One time I was so nervous I accidentally called my date “mom.”

I never devoted energy into racking up a list of dating deal breakers; I’d rather make sure we have similar life goals and aspirations.   However, here are 5 ways to guarantee our first date is also the only date:

1. Catch Phrases.  “”Who’s Da Man” or “Woah Dude” to name two.  -100 points if the phrase is also a tattoo.  -1000 if it’s decaled on their white minivan.

2. Enjoying Nickelback.  Or bringing up Miley Cyrus.  I feel like that fits in here as well.

3. Admitting to posting a missed connection ad on Craigslist.  Guilty.

4. Using your Mensa membership as a launching point for all conversations.  I get it, it’s the only part of you that’s interesting.

5. Eating off of my plate. That’s just weird.

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