As a child, my relationship with Santa was laced with trepidation. I can ignore some of the facts; that he invaded my home while I was asleep and helped himself to my cookies. That he followed a barter system which, at his discretion, created an equal exchange rate of cookies to coal. That he sat there and monitored my choices 364 days a year. I could bare these experiences without complaint, and since he always left presents behind I assumed there was a fleck kindness in his heart. But none of these frightened the bells out of my 8 year old self quite like:
♦ taking pictures on Santa’s lap.
Here was this complete stranger (equipped with a beard I wasn’t allowed to tug on), who would only pay attention to my desired material superfluousness and not the dagger of pure FEAR IN MY EYES.
This horrid experience was documented on film. Every. Single. Year.
Here are a few of the Christmas cards I handmade this year. This overwhelmingly ambitious project developed like Gremlins in a pool. I had the intention of making ten cards for family members. Forty cards later I wasn’t even close to satisfied. A healthy mix of tediousness and therapy. A self inflicted craft obligation.
Everything was made from scrapbook paper and scrap paper. I used cookie cutters to trace many of the shapes. The greetings are quotes and jokes that I collected from the internet.
Seems like lists are all the hype these days. Sites like Buzzfeed and Cracked are notorious for serving a list driven audience. They thrive in it. I thought I’d latch on to the rear end of their bandwagon and create a list of my own.
Ten of the Things I Enjoy
Nighttime snacks. Specifically the ones involving cheese. If we’re aiming for the ultimate specificity, something with both cheese and crunch.
The hidden track on Jagged Little Pill.
Things shaped like fire hydrants and wooden replicas of exotic animals. I’m not sure why I lumped these together. Think of it as a bonus.
The first colon clearing sip of coffee in the morning.
Finding money in an old birthday card or coat pocket. Finding money.
Binging sci-fi TV shows and preparing the essential skill sets I will need as a future space pirate.
Most of the time life is not shaped like gentle rolling hills caressing the countryside. Life is jagged shale cliffs chipped away by years of wind. Life is the wind unpredictable. The fallen shale in a pile on the ground. Life is the tension of a tightrope wire and the fear of falling. The tension of knowing and not knowing.
Only you can understand your world. Existence is original, dimensional, abstract. Embrace it.
An abstract two dimensional representation of my world.